	Reality Check
Reality Check: Lots happened on this episode of Days of our Lives on the AVP, so I am sorry for the long read, but lots to fill you in on. I flew into LA 2 weeks ago to train with Brooke and to play in a local CBVA tournament in Hermosa to give us a lot of practice in preparation for our next AVP in Huntington Beach this past weekend. I wanted plenty of time to practice and I was ecstatic, actually overjoyed that my favorite beach coach and role model Liz Masakayan had agreed to coach Brooke and me. This was such amazing news and gave me a vigor and determination to train really hard for the past 3 weeks. I have dreamt of being coached by her and now she said YES! She coached the Olympic team and is really an incredible coach. I was working as many hours I could and even found work in LA to be able to afford her coaching us for the weekend. Brooke and I have been so close in our matches to make some major upsets and I KNEW if we had Liz on our court, we would win those! So the week started off great with practices with Liz and even though we didn’t win the CBVA local tourney, Brooke and I got a lot of games in and felt good about things we were doing. I even got to spend a night with my grandma and then Brooke and I had all last week to practice with Liz and work on strategy for the weekend. It was such a great feeling to actually be prepared by a coach and talk about great game plans. After last Tuesdays practice, Brooke was acting funny and didn’t know if it was something I might had done, so that night I called to ask her if everything was ok. I told her that I was committed to “us” and whatever she was going through, it was a safe space to tell me and that I wasn’t going to dump her if she was injured, or tired, or whatever it may be. That next morning at practice I asked her if we were “cool’ and gave her a hug! After that our practice was amazing!! Liz really dissected us and gave us some things to really work on! I was excited and ready for the AVP! Brooke and I played together at the end of 2008 season and did really well. We were supposed to play last year together and then 2 weeks before the season she called me and told me she was playing with someone else. That was tough but I persevered all season long and then after my 7th place finish with Chrissie, she came up to me and asked me to play the rest of last season with her. She said not playing with me was, “ the biggest mistake of her life.” She was sorry she did not complete the season with me. After the season Brooke wanted to play in Aspen with me. We did play that together and had a great time. That weekend she once again apologized for not choosing me before. This March when I was “semi-retired” and loving my life in CO, I wasn’t really planning on playing the season, until Brooke’s phone call (calling me when she knew I had moved to CO in September) asking me and pleading that I would play with her. I wasn’t training much at that point and I liked the break. But her words, “We have amazing chemistry and there isn’t anyone else I want to play with. I am totally committed to this season and want to play with you!” With this statement I decided to play and mostly because we were pretty good friends and do play really well together. I thought I could trust her too, which is pretty rare in this world we compete in. So I went for it… and it was great until this last Wednesday afternoon! After our great practice, she began to say how much she like me as a friend but she had decided to play the season with someone else. My heart sunk, and I froze for a couple of seconds. I didn’t really understand what was going on. She told me that it wasn’t “personal” it was just “business.” At this point so many thoughts ran through my head, like re-arranging my life in CO to train and practice all week long to play with her because she said she was committed to play with me, missing my 30th birthday to play in a tourney with her, paying over $1600 for my next three flights to Virginia and New Jersey, CA (leave for Virginia tomorrow) and have to waste the New Jersey one for sure. It didn’t make sense. We were playing really, really well together and improving each tournament. She said it was because I didn’t live in CA. As much as all that hurt, something actually hurt me more. After telling Liz 20 minutes later what had happened she said that she now didn’t feel comfortable coaching us unless Brooke really wanted her to. She called Brooke and was told she didn’t want Liz to coach us since it would be only for one tournament anyway. This actually frustrated me beyond belief. How do you play with someone who broke their commitment? As much as I wanted to change my flight that day and leave, I didn’t. I made a commitment to play on Friday at the AVP and since I did, I would be there. Showing up Friday morning was quite difficult, and might be one of top 10 most awkward and uncomfortable moments of my life. But I showed up, I warmed up and was just praying non-stop for extra strength and grace. I know that many of you prayed for me as well and know that I wouldn’t have gotten through it without your prayers. As hard as it is to wonder why God puts you in certain situations, I was thankful so many of you partnered with me in support. First up we had #10 seed of Fendrick/Ivy who are a really strong team to play. The whistle blew, I closed my eyes and begged God to give me composure, a kind heart and to be able to just play. And that is what I did. Both of us played well and we actually won game one 21-17. Then we lost game two 21-14 to force game three to 15 points. It was a total nail biter, going back and forth. They must have had 8 game points to our 1 and they finally won game three 26-24 to a game to 15. I stayed positive and kept encouraging her. SO HARD! We really do play well together. Our next game was against Jenelle, one of my former partners from last year, and luckily we played well again and beat them in two games 21-16, 21-13. With 30 minutes rest we had to play the Lindquist sisters who are simply amazing and lost 21-15, 21-13. After the last ball dropped, I grabbed my stuff and went out to the ocean. I couldn’t believe that I made it through such a weird and tough day. That night I went home and heard that John Wooden had passed away and was sad to hear that for his inspiration and words have always touched me. One of the quotes I saw was, “What you are as a person is far more important than what you are as a basketball (volleyball) player.” This encouraged me to know that I am proud of who I am and the decisions I have made while competing on this professional tour. It can be a tough business. A girl from San Diego, Angela Mchenry sent me a message a couple of days ago and I am going to go play with her in Virginia. I am praying for something good to happen since we both play the same positions and aren’t the most ideal match. We agreed to play in this tournament, so New Jersey is already out and still don’t know about Hermosa. I don’t know what will happen, but I know that I absolutely love to play this game. I felt that I was playing really well, and actually having a great time. I also realized that now that I live in CO, traveling so much is not as fun when I leave the place and people I love. So maybe I get to actually spend a summer in CO! Until then I know I have one more tournament I have to play in, so please keep me in your prayers. Then I am off to Dallas, TX to run a camp with my old roommate and great friend, Janae. Sorry of the long, vulnerable and transparent update and not so happy a one at that, but I want to be true and honest and you have been there for me in the good, the bad and the really, really ugly. J So thanks for being my extra bit of strength which carries me through the difficult moments. One day in heaven while I am eating some chocolate covered strawberries (kidding!), I’ll be sure to ask God what the purpose for all the turmoil of this sport was in my life? Only He knows and He is the only one I can actually trust despite not knowing what is happening. If anything new develops, I will be sure to update you! I am so blessed to have great friends and support!

Reality Check

Reality Check:

Lots happened on this episode of Days of our Lives on the AVP, so I am sorry for the long read, but lots to fill you in on. I flew into LA 2 weeks ago to train with Brooke and to play in a local CBVA tournament in Hermosa to give us a lot of practice in preparation for our next AVP in Huntington Beach this past weekend. I wanted plenty of time to practice and I was ecstatic, actually overjoyed that my favorite beach coach and role model Liz Masakayan had agreed to coach Brooke and me. This was such amazing news and gave me a vigor and determination to train really hard for the past 3 weeks. I have dreamt of being coached by her and now she said YES! She coached the Olympic team and is really an incredible coach. I was working as many hours I could and even found work in LA to be able to afford her coaching us for the weekend. Brooke and I have been so close in our matches to make some major upsets and I KNEW if we had Liz on our court, we would win those!

So the week started off great with practices with Liz and even though we didn’t win the CBVA local tourney, Brooke and I got a lot of games in and felt good about things we were doing. I even got to spend a night with my grandma and then Brooke and I had all last week to practice with Liz and work on strategy for the weekend. It was such a great feeling to actually be prepared by a coach and talk about great game plans.

After last Tuesdays practice, Brooke was acting funny and didn’t know if it was something I might had done, so that night I called to ask her if everything was ok. I told her that I was committed to “us” and whatever she was going through, it was a safe space to tell me and that I wasn’t going to dump her if she was injured, or tired, or whatever it may be. That next morning at practice I asked her if we were “cool’ and gave her a hug! After that our practice was amazing!! Liz really dissected us and gave us some things to really work on! I was excited and ready for the AVP!

Brooke and I played together at the end of 2008 season and did really well. We were supposed to play last year together and then 2 weeks before the season she called me and told me she was playing with someone else. That was tough but I persevered all season long and then after my 7th place finish with Chrissie, she came up to me and asked me to play the rest of last season with her. She said not playing with me was, “ the biggest mistake of her life.” She was sorry she did not complete the season with me. After the season Brooke wanted to play in Aspen with me. We did play that together and had a great time. That weekend she once again apologized for not choosing me before.

This March when I was “semi-retired” and loving my life in CO, I wasn’t really planning on playing the season, until Brooke’s phone call (calling me when she knew I had moved to CO in September) asking me and pleading that I would play with her. I wasn’t training much at that point and I liked the break. But her words, “We have amazing chemistry and there isn’t anyone else I want to play with. I am totally committed to this season and want to play with you!” With this statement I decided to play and mostly because we were pretty good friends and do play really well together. I thought I could trust her too, which is pretty rare in this world we compete in. So I went for it… and it was great until this last Wednesday afternoon!

After our great practice, she began to say how much she like me as a friend but she had decided to play the season with someone else. My heart sunk, and I froze for a couple of seconds. I didn’t really understand what was going on. She told me that it wasn’t “personal” it was just “business.” At this point so many thoughts ran through my head, like re-arranging my life in CO to train and practice all week long to play with her because she said she was committed to play with me, missing my 30th birthday to play in a tourney with her, paying over $1600 for my next three flights to Virginia and New Jersey, CA (leave for Virginia tomorrow) and have to waste the New Jersey one for sure. It didn’t make sense. We were playing really, really well together and improving each tournament. She said it was because I didn’t live in CA.

As much as all that hurt, something actually hurt me more. After telling Liz 20 minutes later what had happened she said that she now didn’t feel comfortable coaching us unless Brooke really wanted her to. She called Brooke and was told she didn’t want Liz to coach us since it would be only for one tournament anyway. This actually frustrated me beyond belief. How do you play with someone who broke their commitment? As much as I wanted to change my flight that day and leave, I didn’t. I made a commitment to play on Friday at the AVP and since I did, I would be there.

Showing up Friday morning was quite difficult, and might be one of top 10 most awkward and uncomfortable moments of my life. But I showed up, I warmed up and was just praying non-stop for extra strength and grace. I know that many of you prayed for me as well and know that I wouldn’t have gotten through it without your prayers. As hard as it is to wonder why God puts you in certain situations, I was thankful so many of you partnered with me in support.

First up we had #10 seed of Fendrick/Ivy who are a really strong team to play. The whistle blew, I closed my eyes and begged God to give me composure, a kind heart and to be able to just play. And that is what I did. Both of us played well and we actually won game one 21-17. Then we lost game two 21-14 to force game three to 15 points. It was a total nail biter, going back and forth. They must have had 8 game points to our 1 and they finally won game three 26-24 to a game to 15. I stayed positive and kept encouraging her. SO HARD! We really do play well together.

Our next game was against Jenelle, one of my former partners from last year, and luckily we played well again and beat them in two games 21-16, 21-13. With 30 minutes rest we had to play the Lindquist sisters who are simply amazing and lost 21-15, 21-13. After the last ball dropped, I grabbed my stuff and went out to the ocean. I couldn’t believe that I made it through such a weird and tough day. That night I went home and heard that John Wooden had passed away and was sad to hear that for his inspiration and words have always touched me. One of the quotes I saw was, “What you are as a person is far more important than what you are as a basketball (volleyball) player.” This encouraged me to know that I am proud of who I am and the decisions I have made while competing on this professional tour. It can be a tough business.

A girl from San Diego, Angela Mchenry sent me a message a couple of days ago and I am going to go play with her in Virginia. I am praying for something good to happen since we both play the same positions and aren’t the most ideal match. We agreed to play in this tournament, so New Jersey is already out and still don’t know about Hermosa.

I don’t know what will happen, but I know that I absolutely love to play this game. I felt that I was playing really well, and actually having a great time. I also realized that now that I live in CO, traveling so much is not as fun when I leave the place and people I love. So maybe I get to actually spend a summer in CO! Until then I know I have one more tournament I have to play in, so please keep me in your prayers. Then I am off to Dallas, TX to run a camp with my old roommate and great friend, Janae.

Sorry of the long, vulnerable and transparent update and not so happy a one at that, but I want to be true and honest and you have been there for me in the good, the bad and the really, really ugly. J So thanks for being my extra bit of strength which carries me through the difficult moments. One day in heaven while I am eating some chocolate covered strawberries (kidding!), I’ll be sure to ask God what the purpose for all the turmoil of this sport was in my life? Only He knows and He is the only one I can actually trust despite not knowing what is happening. If anything new develops, I will be sure to update you! I am so blessed to have great friends and support!